Left to my own devices I am a tidy person. I dream of no clutter, a house full of simple, elegant, useful things (In white and muted shades…). Days when I do not look around me  overwhelmed by the feeling of too much to do, too little time, sinking into the chaos. Serenity….peacefulness…calm…..

Looking at my home you would probably never realize this, not even a little bit, not even on a good day. Well, that probably isn’t quite true – in certain rooms (our bedroom, my office), where my rule more or less holds sway, a superficial glance would tell you that it looks OKish. Dig a little below the surface anywhere in the house though and you would be completely horrified at the amount of STUFF that we have accumulated. I am horrified and I was the one responsible for putting most of it there.

The problem I think, is that I live with 4 other people, all of whom are messy and all of whom like to hang on to things just in case. I know what I would like to do, but throwing away other people’s stuff is a tricky one, which could lead to the breakdown of family life as we know it. Or even worse, mum climbing through the big garbage bins trying to locate that critical toy from the McDonalds happy meal. I know how I would feel if someone just decided that my fabric stash had gone a little beyond levels of normality, so I do understand…, sort of. The problem though is that I have now reached the stage where I feel so overwhelmed by it all that a huge scream is welling up inside me every time I as much as look at my cellar or the kids’ rooms or the kitchen or even our walk-in closet. And once that scream gets out, well frankly I have no idea how to stop it.

I do sometimes make a mad dash round with a black garbage bag on mornings when it is particularly dire. I try to pick up things whose absence I don’t think will be noticed and hope that miraculously this will lead to a transformation. (Needless to say, it doesnt…) I do threaten my children with no TV (even more no TV), no meeting friends until the mess is dealt with. They do scrape the surface a little, but I think we may have reached the stage where it is almost impossible to do the rest – my 11 year old lost the lego war a long time ago. Hey, I lost the lego war a long time ago. His closet is a no-go area. Lego rules.

I know the answer – I know in my heart of hearts that I just have to knuckle down to it and take a room at a time and just do it.  Everything not used within the last year….nadanadanada. Right now I seem to be unable to even decide which room to tackle.

Is it spring? or hormones? Is anybody out there feeling this  need for simplicity and organisation? Or even just the need to open a cupboard without everything falling out on your head? Should I just wait until they all grow up and move out? I suspect that the mess will not go with them. Whatever I decide I am going to lose 4:1…

If you’re out there in cyberland reading this, please tell me the answer….

I’m meditating on this picture today – trying to obtain some internal zen and distance myself from domestic non-zenicity. I am that sea gull……I’m on a Scottish island….and there isn’t any stuff….

Wishing you zen in your life this weekend

Helen

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 20th, 2010 at 2:44 pm and is filed under Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.