Reflecting
Sometimes life just doesn’t turn out how you hope it will. Despite her best efforts – and she really did work hard – Daughter No1 didn’t manage to pass the year at school this year – it came down to an average of 3.74 instead of 3.75 in French in the end. Couldn’t have been closer, but she still failed and has been made provisional at school. No drastic action as yet, but if she hasn’t corrected the situation by the end of the first semester next February, then we have a bigger problem. I’m scrambling around trying to organize extra coaching in maths and physics and registering her for a 2 week French and Sports camp.
This morning I had a hard hilly run in the pouring rain and my legs felt like lead. Actually it was probably more like my head felt like lead and that feeling transferred itself to my legs. Despite the attractive drowned rat look that I had achieved by the time I came home (it really was lashing down!), I’m really glad I went. There is nothing like running alone in the woods away from the world to give a girl time to think…and more importantly, time to put things in perspective.
I mean, really what we are talking about is a hiccup and even if it turns out to be a little more than that, the world isn’t going to end. Nobody died and nobody is ill. Life carries on and we just need to knuckle down and do what we need to do.
In some respects I’ve a harder time dealing with this latest little downer than I did with my cancer surgery three years ago. I think it’s probably because it isn’t really my problem and I can’t solve it, however much I might like to. If I feel in control and can do whatever needs to be done, then mentally I think I can deal with almost everything. But this time it isn’t like that. My daughter is almost 17 and this is her life. I walk beside her, I can guide her and support her, but only she can do what needs to be done. Me? I have to let go and trust her to do just that. That’s something I find really hard to do. I’m so ingrained into my ‘mom will sort it’ mode, that I have trouble dealing with a ‘mom can’t necessarily sort it’ situation.
We all fail. At some point in our lives sooner or later, things will go pear-shaped. Today I think I started to realize that this may be one step in my daughter learning to deal with failure. Learning to be strong enough to pick yourself up, shake yourself off and carry on seems to me to be an important lesson that we all need to learn. I’m hoping that the shock of failing will cause a big turn around. Maybe it will, but then again maybe it won’t.
At the end of the day though, my daughter will find the way she is meant to walk. It might not be the way that she or we were reckoning on, but she will find her way, and hopefully this little hiccup will make her stronger and better able to deal with life.
That’s what I’m hoping anyway,
Helen
July 13th, 2011 at 11:51 am
You are a wise and caring mother, Helen. If they don’t now, your children will realize when they’re older (or parents themselves) how blessed they were to have you.
And your sweater looks absolutely gorgeous. Good job….perfect style for you!
July 13th, 2011 at 3:14 pm
I am sorry to hear of your daughter’s setback. Hopefully, it will be all right in the end. I had something similar happen to me when I was 17. I was provisionally accepted into the college of my dreams, but had to prove myself over a six month period. I managed to do it, and ended up getting into Stanford. It was stressful though!
July 13th, 2011 at 3:39 pm
What a shame to fail by .01 but, as you say, perhaps this will give a needed push in the right direction.
Keep on telling yourself that there is absolutely nothing that you can do about it and that it is not you that came short.
Hopefully the rain broke your hot spell – we are promised some but I’m not counting on it.
July 13th, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Hiccup, for sure. She got a solid B+ in our grade and that is wonderful. That .01 will jump back next year. So much pressure on these kids. How can that be a good thing. With your love and concern she will be just fine. I envy your ability to run.
July 13th, 2011 at 5:02 pm
Helen. I can remember such challenges as a younger person. All I can say is that they helped me become really really successful in the business world. She will be tougher for it and it will actually serve her well in the end. Not to worry.
July 13th, 2011 at 7:44 pm
With a mum like you Helen, your daughter has all the support and guidance there. I am sure she will turn things around and do so well in life – whatever it has in store for her. She seemed to do so well anyway and it`s only because she is in such a demanding and rigorous system that she didn`t quite make the required grade. I hope she is okay. Life is tough being 17 sometimes.
July 13th, 2011 at 11:56 pm
Failure is hard but we can learn so much from those moments when we must regroup and push on. I think your approach is wonderful.
July 15th, 2011 at 4:22 am
Our daughter’s track coach had a saying “Short term pain, long term gain” and it seems to apply to many situations for young people. There are so many life lessons to learn and picking up and carrying on is definitely one of them. Learning to deal with failure and working hard to recover is huge for the future. And I totally understand your “mom can fix it” feelings! The protection gene is huge for me too!!
P.S. Your knitting projects are lovely!
July 17th, 2011 at 10:42 am
So close, as you say. I don’t think it’s failure at all. It’s a glitch and I’m sure things will come together with the coaching. As you say, she’s at the age where you can only advise and guide. Caiti was 17 in April, and Benj is 19 and a half now. You can disapprove, you can encourage, but you’re past the stage of giving orders, or so I think anyway. It’s tough, but you have to stand back. However, you’re always there if they do need you.
July 19th, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Sorry the hear about your daughters school problems. I’m sure with all the support and encouragement you’re giving her she’ll pull though.